Adoption is a journey full of ups and downs, joy and heartache, and for many, it’s an emotional rollercoaster that leaves a lasting impact. Writing about adoption is no easy task, especially when you’re trying to capture all the complex emotions that come with it. Whether you’re writing from the viewpoint of a child, a birth parent, or an adoptive family, there are so many layers—grief, love, confusion, hope—that need to be carefully and thoughtfully explored.
Understanding the Emotional Landscape of Adoption
At its core, adoption is about creating a family, but that process is often accompanied by feelings of loss, uncertainty, and pain, especially for birth parents and adoptees. For birth parents, placing a child for adoption can be a heart-wrenching decision, one filled with grief and sacrifice. For adoptees, even in loving families, there can be lingering questions about their identity and why they were given up for adoption.
Writing about these emotions in a book means acknowledging that adoption is not a one-size-fits-all experience. Every adoption story is different, and every person involved has a unique emotional journey. It’s essential to approach this topic with empathy and a deep understanding of the feelings that accompany adoption.
It’s important to recognize the wide range of emotions that may surface throughout the adoption process. For adoptive parents, there’s often immense joy and gratitude for the opportunity to welcome a child into their family. But even within that joy, there can be fear and uncertainty—worrying about how their child will adjust, whether they’ll connect as a family, or how they’ll navigate questions about the birth family in the future.
For adoptees, the emotional experience can be complex. While many children thrive in their adoptive homes, there can be lingering questions about their origins, their birth family, and why they were placed for adoption. These feelings may surface at different points in life and should be treated with respect and understanding when writing about them. Adoption is a process that involves not only love and belonging but also identity, loss, and healing.
Writing with Empathy and Sensitivity
When writing about adoption, it’s essential to approach the subject with empathy, allowing space for the emotional complexity to unfold naturally in your story. One way to do this is by focusing on the characters’ inner journeys. Whether it’s the birth parent grappling with the pain of their decision, or an adoptee coming to terms with their identity, your characters should feel real, multidimensional, and deeply human.
Empathy also means recognizing the emotions your readers might bring to the table. Some of your readers may be adoptees or birth parents themselves, while others may be prospective adoptive parents. You want to ensure that your writing speaks to these audiences in a way that is affirming and comforting, while still being honest about the emotional realities of adoption.
Showing the Full Spectrum of Emotions
It’s easy to focus on the positive aspects of adoption—creating a new family, offering a child a loving home—but it’s equally important to acknowledge the more difficult emotions that can accompany it. Adoption is often described as a “both/and” experience: it can be both joyous and sorrowful, both full of love and full of loss.
In your writing, try to strike a balance that reflects this emotional complexity. For example, a birth parent’s decision to place their child for adoption might come from a place of deep love and sacrifice, but it can also carry feelings of grief and guilt. An adoptee might feel immense love for their adoptive family while still experiencing confusion or sadness about their birth family. By showing both sides of these emotions, you create a more authentic and nuanced narrative that resonates with readers.
Turning Pain into Purpose
Many adoption stories are filled with moments of pain—whether it’s the birth parent’s heartbreak, the child’s confusion, or the adoptive parents’ struggles. But within that pain, there is often a sense of purpose and meaning. For birth parents, placing a child for adoption can be a selfless act that provides their child with opportunities they might not have been able to offer. For adoptees, the journey of understanding their identity can be a path toward self-discovery and healing. For adoptive parents, the challenges of adoption can deepen their understanding of unconditional love and commitment.
When writing about these emotions, it’s important to frame the pain in a way that leads to growth and purpose. This doesn't mean glossing over the difficult parts or minimizing the struggles, but rather showing how the characters navigate their pain and come out the other side stronger and more whole. Adoption is not a fairy tale, but it can be a story of resilience, hope, and the power of love.
Creating Characters with Depth
One of the best ways to capture the complex emotions of adoption is by creating characters with depth. Whether you’re writing from the perspective of a birth parent, an adoptee, or an adoptive family, your characters should have fully fleshed-out emotional lives. This means giving them space to experience a wide range of feelings, from joy and love to fear and sadness.
Don't be afraid to let your characters struggle with their emotions. For instance, an adoptee might have a difficult time reconciling their love for their adoptive family with their curiosity about their birth parents. Or an adoptive parent might feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of answering difficult questions about their child’s past. These emotional struggles are what make characters relatable and compelling.
Ending with Hope
While adoption can be emotionally complex, your story doesn't have to end on a note of unresolved pain. Adoption, at its core, is about creating new beginnings—offering hope, love, and family to those who need it most. As you write, aim to leave your readers with a sense of hope, even in the midst of the challenges your characters face.
This doesn't mean you have to tie everything up neatly with a perfect ending—real-life adoption is rarely that simple. But you can offer a sense of resolution by showing your characters finding peace with their journey, whether that’s through personal growth, healing, or deepening their relationships.
Writing about adoption is an opportunity to explore some of the most profound emotions a person can experience—love, loss, identity, and belonging. By approaching these emotions with empathy and honesty, you can create a story that not only resonates with your readers but also helps them navigate their own experiences with adoption.
Ultimately, the goal is to write a story that doesn't shy away from the complexity of adoption but embraces it, offering readers a narrative that is both challenging and deeply meaningful. Through your writing, you can turn the pain of adoption into a story of purpose, resilience, and love.
At Lucid Books, we believe in the power of stories that speak to the heart, especially when it comes to the emotional journey of adoption. If you’ve been thinking about writing a book that explores the complexities of adoption or fostering, we’d love to connect with you. We offer a range of partnership publishing opportunities to help you get your book published, from concept to completion.
Let’s join forces to share your story of pain, purpose, and hope with readers who need it most.
