When you sit down to write a memoir, the hardest part isn't usually finding what to say—it’s deciding what not to say. After all, you’ve lived a whole life. Where do you even start?
The truth is, writing a great memoir is as much about restraint as it is about revelation. Choosing what to include and what to leave out is what shapes your story into something powerful instead of overwhelming.
Here’s some guidance we share with authors at Lucid Books.
Start with Your Theme
Every memoir has a heartbeat—a central idea or theme that ties it all together. Maybe it’s overcoming loss, rediscovering faith, building resilience, or healing from the past. Whatever it is, let that theme be your filter.
If a memory or detail directly supports your theme, it belongs. If it distracts, clutters, or sends the reader down a side road with no connection? Leave it out.
What to Include
- Moments of Change
The turning points where something shifted in your life—these are the scenes that carry weight. - Specific Details
Readers remember sensory detail more than generalizations. Instead of “I was scared,” write about how your hands shook when you reached for the phone. - Your Reflections
Memoir isn't just about what happened—it’s about what it meant. Share your perspective, the lessons you took away, and how it shaped who you are now. - Supporting Characters
The people who influenced, challenged, or supported you. But remember: they’re in your story to serve your theme, not to take over the spotlight.
What to Leave Out
- Every Single Detail
A memoir isn't your diary. Resist the urge to include every conversation or event. Readers want significance, not saturation. - Unnecessary Timelines
Jumping year by year through your life slows the pace. Stick with the moments that matter. - Score-Settling
It can be tempting to use memoir as a place to vent old frustrations. But readers connect more with your growth than with your grievances. - Over-Explaining
Trust your reader. Not every thought or motive has to be spelled out. Let the story breathe.
Tips for Striking the Balance
- Think in Scenes, Not Summaries. Your memoir should unfold like a story, with vivid moments instead of long explanations.
- Stay Honest but Respectful. Write the truth, but remember that real people are part of your narrative. Handle with care.
- Ask: Does This Serve the Reader? It’s not about reliving every memory—it’s about shaping an experience that helps someone else see themselves in your words.
Why It Matters
At Lucid, we remind authors that memoir is an act of generosity. It’s not just about getting your story out—it’s about giving something to the person who picks it up.
By choosing carefully what to include and what to leave out, you create a book that feels purposeful, readable, and deeply human. And that’s what makes a memoir stay with someone long after the last page.
